


(Not Quite A) Cop and Robber

by Worldsgreatestnerd



Series: umbrella academy but it’s gayer [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: But like in a fighting way, But like not graphic violence its just a fist fight, Choking, Fighting, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-15 06:14:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18068108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worldsgreatestnerd/pseuds/Worldsgreatestnerd
Summary: Diego wanted to sigh in frustration, coming all the way to the upper east side for nothing, like some idiot when other people probably needed his help.As he made his way back to the window he came into he froze, eyes caught on the large, lean figure hunched over the window, carefully pulling Diego’s knife from out under it.(Or, alternately, how Diego meets Billy)





	(Not Quite A) Cop and Robber

**Author's Note:**

> What’s up I’m capable of writing something that isn’t smut and being on spring break gives me a shitton of time to write (ahem neglect my other shit)

Diego normally wouldn’t drag himself all the way to the upper east side, but the day was slow, and there was chatter on the radio that there was the possibility of a break in in some penthouse. 

The security system had gone off, in some high rise, well kept and with so much security Diego figured it was most likely nothing, maybe the police did too because they hadn’t arrived yet. 

Diego fastened his mask before climbing the fire escape, cracking open the already eschew window. 

Okay, maybe something did trip it but so far the penthouse seemed put together, not rummaged or stripped to the wires like a normal robbery would. 

He turned, placing a small, highly sharpened blade beneath the lip of the window, in case anyone tried to leave it. 

The place was empty, hence the alarm system going off and not a phone call, the whole place was deadly silent. 

To be safe Diego drew a knife in hand, turning each corner carefully. 

He methodically checked each room in the large penthouse, eyes scanning in the darkness, prodding covered shapes that turned out to be nothing. 

The penthouse was vast, pristine and nothing seemed out of place. 

Until he reached the master bedroom. 

No, nothing was wrong there, the real concern came from the closet beyond it, the closet the size of Diego’s room behind the gym.

The clothes were undisturbed, but there was an empty jewelry case, a dust covered, only recently opened case, with no fingerprints left on it. 

Whatever was inside was now gone, perhaps like the culprit who stole it. 

Fuck, some junky probably got lucky. 

But junkies didn’t think about fingerprints. 

Diego wanted to sigh in frustration, coming all the way to the upper east side for nothing, like some idiot when other people probably needed his help. 

As he made his way back to the window he came into he froze, eyes caught on the large, lean figure hunched over the window, carefully pulling Diego’s knife from out under it. 

The figure was clad in all black, in a ski mask, cliche. 

Diego swirled his knife between his fingers. 

It was just a thief, he had the element of surprise, he’d had an uneventful week, maybe he could just toy with them a little, he needed some practice. 

He sheathed his knife, carefully placing his footsteps to sneak up on the figure, who had now retrieved the knife. 

“Ski mask is a little overused, don’t ya think?” Diego asked. 

The thief turned, body tensing for a moment before standing up, just a little bit taller than Diego, leaner too. 

The thief cocked his head, addressing Diego, not immediately attacking. 

“Tried and true. Leaves a lot to the imagination, unlike you, pretty boy.” The man said, voice even and smooth, without fear or hesitation. 

Was he… flirting with him?

No. 

He was just being a dick, being cocky, like Diego wasn’t going to hurt him, idiot. 

“I’m not a criminal, I’ve got nothing to hide.” Diego said, sticking his chin out at him. 

“Well, breaking and entering is generally considered a crime, but hey, innocent until proven guilty.” He said, a hint of amusement in his voice. “And if you’re so high and mighty, take off your mask.” 

“Why don’t you take off yours? Make it fair. I’ll see it anyway when I drag you down to the station.” Diego taunted, moving closer, in striking range now. 

“Only after the third date.” He said reaching for the windowsill. 

Diego moved quickly, he was always light on his feet, throwing the first punch, only to miss. 

He never missed. 

The criminal had dodged easily, pulling away from the window and moving towards the inside of the apartment. 

Diego blinked before he lunged again, grabbing hold of his arm but the man countered, breaking the hold with what could only be practice. 

Diego wasn’t much of a southpaw but he was able to land a hit on the man’s side with his left hand, stunning him enough for Diego swipe at his legs. 

Once again the man evaded him, drawing both of them further and further into the kitchen of the penthouse. 

It was like a dance, Diego would try to hit him, the man would parry, Diego would land a hit, get cocky and miss again. 

The man didn’t attack, he was defense only, pulling back, breaking out of each hold Diego could try to get him in. 

Diego got lucky, or the man was getting tired. Diego grabbed him by the throat and slammed him into the bookshelf that was built into the wall. 

The man’s eyes were pale, damn near white, and they studied Diego, observed him. He barely struggled, taking in the breath he needed, he was calming himself. 

Diego stared back at him, he wanted to reach between him, pull the mask off his face. He wanted to know who this man was, why he didn’t have fear in his eyes while Diego choked him. 

The man pushed back on Diego, placing a leg between them, pressing on Diego’s chest, sending Diego crashing into the ground. 

Diego huffed a laugh, that was at least a little impressive. 

Diego watched the man, waiting for Diego’s next move, still not fucking attacking. He had knocked the wind out of him. It was his first real attack on Diego and even then it was a defensive move. He had more in him, he could fight but he wasn’t. 

Why wasn’t he? 

Wasn’t he afraid of Diego? 

Diego got himself up, hands itching to draw a blade but really, the man hadn’t warranted it, Diego was just annoyed, and knives would make all too easy to end this. Diego wanted to win fairly, he wanted that fire out of his blood, wanted the man to just fucking hit him already. 

“I didn’t put a knife in you because I thought you’d be a worthwhile fight, seems I was just wasting my time.” Diego said. 

“Such a pity then, huh? You know you can just go to a BDSM club for the same shit, right? Lot less dangerous, you’re already dressed for the occasion. I can name a few.” The man said. 

He sounded like he was grinning when he spoke. 

Diego wanted to see his stupid face, to know what laid beneath. 

Why? There was no reason to, maybe just to complete the whole thing. It was just something inside him, wanting to put a face to this mocking, smooth toned voice. 

Diego got himself up, ready to fight again, his muscles already getting tired with fatigue. Why was it so hard just to attack? He hadn’t been hurt, hadn’t taken any hits, but he was growing tired. 

“Plus, pretty boy like you? You’d be the center of attention.” The man said, his stance was ready for Diego’s next attack despite how easy and relaxed his words were. 

“How about you stop flirting and fight.” Diego hissed, pacing around the man.

“I can do both, it’s not a problem.” He said, grabbing Diego’s wrist as he tried to strike him, again. 

Diego was fucking angry, this prick was just dancing through it all, taking small blows but not really affected. 

“You ever heard of the Fabian Strategy, pretty boy?” He asked. 

Diego grunted, it rung a bell, but he couldn’t place it. They were closer to the kitchen now, Diego noted, landing a glancing blow in the center of the man’s chest. 

The man hissed out. 

“The Fabian Strategy is to retreat, retreat, and retreat.” He said looking down at his chest where Diego’s fist had just been. 

“Seems like a coward.” Diego said, surging towards him but the man simply side stepped. “You’re a coward.” 

The man shook his head. 

Quick as a flash, the man struck Diego in the face, square in the nose, Diego hadn’t been guarding. Fuck. 

As quickly as that blow came he grabbed him by the arm, his leg wrapped around Diego’s shin and slammed him face first into the kitchen counter. 

His grip on Diego’s neck was steady, the twist of his arm behind his back painful and uncompromising, if he was to twist it just a little further he could pop it out of socket or even break it if he so chose. 

Diego almost smiled, of course, he was being drawn out, until he guard was down and he fell straight into his trap. 

A feint. 

The man played him, let him get tired, made it easy for him to waltz into his trap without putting in too much effort. 

“Retreat until your enemy shows their weakness, until you got annoyed and cocky, thinking you were better.” The man said, his voice dropped low, an almost purr, so close to Diego’s ear. “Then...you destroy them.” 

Okay no, Diego was not Klaus, he was not getting hard over this. 

Okay. Maybe he was. It wasn’t his fault, the man had a nice voice. His voice was velvet poison, somewhere close to threat and promise. 

Diego would take both, anything really. 

He didn’t even know what this man looked like, who he was, and he had Diego in his head questioning his own moral code. 

Was Diego seriously thinking about this? 

The man wrenched Diego up by the back of his neck and slammed his face against the granite countertop, stunning him for a brief moment. 

His world was a little fuzzy, the lights seemed to dim and then brighten. That pretty much rattled all lust out of him. 

“You did get a few good hits on me, I’ll appreciate those later, though.” He said, bringing Diego back to is surroundings. 

He tried to struggle, use his free arm to get a knife, anything, but his hands were cuffed. 

When did they get cuffed? Where was the hand on the back of his neck? On his arm? 

The man grabbed him by the hand cuffs, Diego’s own mind you, dragging him away from the countertop and towards the front room where they had both come in. 

He kicked Diego’s legs out from under him, making him crash to the ground, his hands bound behind him, defenseless and useless like a turtle stuck on its back. 

He could try to get up, if he was really in danger but something inside him told him he wasn’t, and he was sore, exhausted. 

The man stood over him, eyes glinting, even with the mask he could tell he was smiling. 

“The police will find you, they’ll be here soon.” He said, gingerly walking to the window he had come from. 

The man lifted the small knife left that he there, examined it. 

“I’ll keep this, a little token of our time together. See you around, pretty boy.” He said before his long and lanky frame slipped out of the window and away into the night. 

Diego wriggled, trying to right himself but it was too late, the man was gone, with whatever priceless jewelry. 

He looked to the kitchen counter where he was pinned, the keys to his handcuffs there. 

The bastard threw him a bone. 

Diego chuckled to himself, head falling back against the carpet. 

Yeah, Diego would be seeing him. He was going to catch that little rat bastard.

**Author's Note:**

> Of course thanks to Kyler for creating Billy with me. Kudos and comments make my day! 
> 
> Yell at me on tumblr @trixies-allstar-crown


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